Tequila & clearing out my house of memories.

     Okay, so here is the deal. I am going through a divorce. Nothing against her, we both made our mistakes, but that is just the deal. So, now I have this big fucking house with, what seems to be like 50 rooms, (really its only like 4 bedrooms, but who the fuck really cares), so that my new roommate can move in. Well, now I am forced to go through and clean out the office, which contains pictures, letters, and other paperwork from our 2 & 1/2 year relationship. I knew this task was going to be a hell of a daunting bitch....so I decided..fuck it. I am going to mix up a sweet ass gallon jug of "Crystal light" margarita flavored mix, and 3/4 of a bottle of tequila and start this day off right. Yup. . . obviously my mind has taken me elsewhere because instead of clearing out my house and doing anything remotely related to productive, I am typing on this fucking computer with half of that gallon jug down. Good times.
     Well, I am now getting a small amount of a "Buzz" going on, and I think to myself. . . "Dude, you officially have nothing in this fucking house, you are a fuck up, you suck and you know it...and...this fucking crystal light margarita shit is delicious" By now you should realize that I am lonely, and not in the good way...I am lonely in the most destructive of ways. The type of lonely that makes you want to dump a bottle of "ZZZZquil" into a cup, mix in a bag of tropical skittles (obviously those little light blue ones that come in the tropical bag would taste great with "ZZZZquil"), add a hint of sprite (for flavor and a bubbly feel), drink that shit and go on some kind of "lean" for like 3 days while I fucking power clean my fucking house. . . . On a side note...its officially a fucking beautiful day outside, and pretty warm, which is surprising for February in Maryland...because lately its been colder than the inside of a penguins vagina.
     I think its safe to say that for the rest of the day I am just going to get real drunk, think about all the mistakes I have made in my life (that should be really rewarding), go watch tv with my buddy, and think about how mad I am they kicked off that white hair chick from American idol last night (just typing that makes me realize how pathetic I am at a molecular level)
      I just realized that anyone who reads this is going to think that they have a great life, and that they are really happy with themselves. My fucking pathetic life should really give you a confidence boost. Congratulations, you bottom feeding brick fucking ass monkeys can officially smile. Don't worry, I am confidant your life is in no way as near as shitty as mine. I almost feel really good that I can brighten someones day, and then I remember its at my own expense, and I fill up my cup with this delicious golden dollar store margarita I made. Later y'all.

Life's favorite punching bag,
Jessie "KWAZ" Kwasney

What is this?

     Welcome to a blog about everything and nothing at the same exact time. Talk about a fucking mind blowing experience, right? Now, I don't know the first thing about blogging, in fact I think the whole "blogging" thing is pretty stupid, however, my lack of real personal relationships is so overwhelmingly sparse that I really have no other outlet to vent, or tell my stories. I am in no way important or interesting. I don't have a mind full of good ideas, and I am probably the farthest thing from a valued member of society. So, you might ask yourself, "why the fuck am I reading this guy's blog?" Well, sir/ma'am, that is something only you can answer. I can't even tell you why I am writing this fucking thing. I just wanted to create a blog in which people can listen to me go on pointless, rude, and socially unacceptable rants and raves about everything I come in contact with. It will also follow my life, and the real life situations I find myself in. See, life has pretty much grabbed me by the sack and done some pretty intense pulling and twisting over the past couple of years. I now find myself in a state of complete disregard to other people's feelings, emotions, or opinions. So where does that leave me? It leaves me trying to stay afloat in a constant cess pool that I call my mind. This should be a pretty interesting blog. Obviously this isn't going to be for the faint of heart, or kids....yup...definitely not for kids, unless of course you hate kids and you think scarring them for the rest of eternity sounds like a good idea, then yea...let those little fellas read this shit. If you want to follow me as I go on this journey of drinking, girls, bad decisions, uncomfortable situations, and some seriously poor judgment calls, then keep on reading. It should be pretty interesting for the both of us. I hope you hate my life as much as I do most of the time.
     PUBLIC WARNING: this blog will make you feel like less of a person for reading. Everything in here is true, and maybe if the other people are lucky I will change their names. All events presented are real life experiences, and are a first hand account of those situations as viewed by...me. Read at your own risk. I do not encourage anyone to do anything or repeat anything said in this blog, unless you don't care about getting slapped, having drinks thrown in your face, sitting next to teddy bears in the back of a patrol car, or just generally feeling like a degenerate low life. All things/stunts/experiences are performed by a complete un-professional with no formal training in "Fucking up", it just kinda happens.
      Well that about sums it up folks, hope you get a good laugh at my expense. We will see where this journey takes us. Good luck...to me and you, its gonna be a rough one.


Your personal "Fuck Up",
Jessie "KWAZ" Kwasney